we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
