Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
