apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
