i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
