Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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