you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
