There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
