stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
