I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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