She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
