3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
