The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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