She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Welp...herpes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
