they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
