you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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