I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
