FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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