you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
