You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
40s are totally the cure
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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