bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
