Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
