I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
