she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I could make wine with my vomit
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
