ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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