She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
