If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
