Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
