If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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