Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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