Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
