i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
