I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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