I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
