That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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