Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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