Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
