and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize