the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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