I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
