You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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