i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize