then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
