Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
