I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
