I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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