Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
