so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
