dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
