I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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