the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
