Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Green mimosas i think yes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I lost the right to judge tonight
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize