he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
