Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
