Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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