Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize