Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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