3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
