when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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