nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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