I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
