Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
