You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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