smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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