Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
