people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
