I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
