and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
