I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
