I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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