If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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