thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bring me that man meat
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
