apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
