Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
