Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
