Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize