How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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