the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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