Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
