She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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