My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
