Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
