I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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