I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
