So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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