I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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