I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize