Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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