If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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