Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize