speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
