we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
