a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
