where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
