he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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