he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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