Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
