I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
