The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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