My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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