the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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