Are we in a gay sports bar?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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