There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
