Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
