There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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