Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
