Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
