you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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