matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
