I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
