hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
