I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
