...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
