tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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